HALE-O My Shadow

By Edison Brian R. Casillano

HALE graduate Batch 82 and SHADOW POWER Batch 26

Working in the government’s lead agency against illegal drugs for almost two years now has been a very challenging profession. Fulfilling the mandate of national drug demand and drug supply reduction given by us no less than President Rodrigo Duterte, and dealing with internal office politics could be detrimental to one’s well-being. And yes, in our own agency, I’ve seen a lot of people holding key positions broke down. Couldn’t imagine the effects of their outbursts brought to other people, who had seen them. Broken workers, wrecked organization… deteriorated nation, enslaved by illegal drugs, chemicals, and precursors.  

Thankfully, I was oriented to attitudinal healing and its principles thru the Healing Attitude, Loving Essence (HALE) careshop of Reintegration for Care and Wholeness Foundation, Inc. (RCWFI) on February 4 to 5 this year, only a week after the Chinese New Year. Thus, feeling so refreshed and inspired to make this year of the Fire Rooster the best of the best period of my entire life to date, personally and professionally.

This two-day healing or should I say HALE-ing had made it more powerful and memorable through the presence of my careshop classmates: four Catholic priests, one Catholic nun, and six Catholic seminarians, among other corporate professionals. The dyads and group exercises seemed magical as my partner, a mom, in a one-on-one session was also a media practitioner like me. Hence, we felt comfortable with each other immediately – a must prerequisite for a greater work later. As we communicated, surprisingly, we mirrored to each other the issues we were facing for the longest time – me with my mother, she with her youngest son – a very draining reliving of the memories we had with our family members. We were even asked by the facilitators to reenact our earlier dyad. What a shame?! Hahaha! But felt so comforted by the nice words given by our fellow participants after our skit – that we helped them processed their own dyads. This careshop was also rich with group dynamics that purged me to the bones. It felt like I was an onion whose layers of beliefs and programs were kept on peeling off. The result? The thing that will only remain throughout eternity – my essence, which is only LOVE. And I realized that even love has so many layers that are needed to be reexamined, monitored, and managed, even peeled off again, allowing my true colors, my true self shine through.

After HALE, the one-day Shadow Power (SP) careshop came in on February 6. Popularized by the late Debbie Ford, the Shadow Process enabled her to attain the highest version of herself she aspired for by finding out “that there was gold hidden in her darkness, light hiding in her bad behavior and power hidden in the traumas of her past” (The Ford Institute website). Her students testified, “The last workshop you will ever need”, “The greatest gift I’ve ever given myself”, and “The BEST choice you will ever make for the investment of YOU!”

Fortunately, I didn’t need to go to the United States to reward myself with Shadow Process. RCWFI’s Tita Harriet Hormillosa and her amazing team assisted me and my careshopmates in our own individual shadow process. Prior to the closing ceremony of the activity, a fellow participant gave me a note, telling me that she was able to welcome, accept, say “hello” to her particular strand of shadow due to my courage of sharing mine before the group. Yes, this woman and I were dealing with the same strand of shadow. After a month of attending these two careshops, I have noticed that I am more clever now to acknowledge my thoughts and feelings and recognize the messages they bring. I have become more integrated, whole, and empowered to make the best things happened for me and the people I serve as an Executive Assistant IV in the bureaucracy. And consistently embrace, use, and transmute my negative traits to deliver win-win solutions in healing, loving, and engaging ways. There is an insight gained from a TED Talks session online that says, “addiction results from disconnection”. Because of HALE and SP, I always say “HALE-o (hello)” now to every bit of negativity that I may still have and process it to make my “HALE-o (halo) even brighter, stronger, and fuller!!! I feel more attuned to my own Truth, at home with my own company, my very own self. Further, I’ve become more synchronized with my own daily tasks, my long-term goals, and the most exciting of all, their sure-fire manifestations.    

     

In The Eyes Of A Child

Hello RCW Champions! We'd like to share this beautiful story from one of our recent graduates of RCW1 (Reparenting The Child Within), Edison Brian Casillano...

All my life, I have been a workshop junkie. Attending one seminar after another was hoped to address a void in me – an emptiness that I really didn’t know. Those seminars, in fairness, helped me to grow up fast, to be mature, to survive the real world as a young professional. Yes, they aided me a lot, but something within was always crying for help.

During my tantrums, even in my 20’s, I noticed that I spoke and acted like a wailing toddler. The 3-year old kid that I once was had never left me. He’s been with me all along.

In 2011, ex-nun Harriet Hormillosa, fellow Lily and Beyond anointee, conducted an introductory lecture about Reparenting the Child Within (RCW) careshop. Most of our fellow Lilies attended. I was left out.

Five years later, about two weeks ago, I remember about RCW and inquired about it via email. Tita Hellivi, sister of Tita Harriet, responded and on December 9 to 11, I was already doing my inner work in the office of Reintegration for Care and Wholeness Foundation, Inc. in Varsity Hills in Quezon City. The 3-day self-process was very exhausting, yet encouraging with a promise of a greater me and a better future ahead of me. All I need to do was to focus on the present moment and tend to the younger versions of me who never grow old, like Peter Pan, but only need a genuine, undivided, and constant attention and acceptance. And I realized that an unattended/neglected and/or abused childhood is the primary cause of all sorts of addiction. I know. I experienced this truth, but without understanding. Only during the RCW1 careshop that I was able to connect the dots, trace my behavioral patterns, and decide to confidently move forward.

On Sunday morning, the third day of the careshop, I finally came home within. And met my infant, toddler, play age, school age, adolescent selves. Very painful, yet reassuring, comforting, healing. As Tita Harriet says, “The only parent your Inner Child needs is you”. And that’s the only thing I need to live by.

Three days after RCW, I am still experiencing this healing crisis – wherein a person would experience something worse than he used to be, even if he is presently under medication and treatment. I feel so weak. My body aches, my mind wanders, my feeling plummets.
Nevertheless, I keep moving forward. I’ve still come to the office since Monday, do my tasks, be as perky as I used to be, and have my healing crisis manageable as possible. How couldn’t be? I have the entire team to back me up, to check my progress, and to remind me to do my self-care. And let me tell you, there are numerous self-care techniques. Hahaha!

And I’m so thankful that I took RCW 1 this year, after five years of knowing about this program. My adult self is intellectually grown up, perfectly fit to be the best and only parent of my inner self – the child within. I handle my life issues more maturely and peacefully. And my maturity complements the birthing of a new version of me – my adult, chronologically age-based self, rooted on my emotionally healthy, loved, and pampered inner child. It’s like my adult self is a hollow block with my inner child as a solid steel my adult self clings on to, surrounds itself with as a foundation, core, center – not anymore on the outside, whether as another person, material thing, title, or situation I used to hold on to as my identity, rock, and savior. And taking the course in December makes it more special. I am reborn during the Holiday Season! So my inner child has a lot of activities to partake and celebrate this month. And we know that Christmas is for the kids and kids-at-heart. Furthermore, surprisingly, my RCW 1 course was batch 426. And 426, for me, is April 26, my birthday.

Last Sunday, in my room, as I was dressing up for the last day of RCW 1 careshop, the Air Supply song, “In the Eyes of a Child’, was playing on the airwaves. I stopped for a while and listened very carefully to the lyrics. Lo and behold, the song sums up my RCW journey and hopefully, with the song as my immediate guide, I would continue nurturing and reparenting the kid in me – the way I want it to be, in the context of proper self-care and responsive maturity. My favorite stanza:

“In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter

There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future

For the lessons of life there is no better teacher

Than the look in the eyes of a child.”

- Edison Brian Casillano

RCW 1

Batch 426