All my life, I have been a workshop junkie. Attending one seminar after another was hoped to address a void in me – an emptiness that I really didn’t know. Those seminars, in fairness, helped me to grow up fast, to be mature, to survive the real world as a young professional. Yes, they aided me a lot, but something within was always crying for help.
During my tantrums, even in my 20’s, I noticed that I spoke and acted like a wailing toddler. The 3-year old kid that I once was had never left me. He’s been with me all along.
In 2011, ex-nun Harriet Hormillosa, fellow Lily and Beyond anointee, conducted an introductory lecture about Reparenting the Child Within (RCW) careshop. Most of our fellow Lilies attended. I was left out.
Five years later, about two weeks ago, I remember about RCW and inquired about it via email. Tita Hellivi, sister of Tita Harriet, responded and on December 9 to 11, I was already doing my inner work in the office of Reintegration for Care and Wholeness Foundation, Inc. in Varsity Hills in Quezon City. The 3-day self-process was very exhausting, yet encouraging with a promise of a greater me and a better future ahead of me. All I need to do was to focus on the present moment and tend to the younger versions of me who never grow old, like Peter Pan, but only need a genuine, undivided, and constant attention and acceptance. And I realized that an unattended/neglected and/or abused childhood is the primary cause of all sorts of addiction. I know. I experienced this truth, but without understanding. Only during the RCW1 careshop that I was able to connect the dots, trace my behavioral patterns, and decide to confidently move forward.
On Sunday morning, the third day of the careshop, I finally came home within. And met my infant, toddler, play age, school age, adolescent selves. Very painful, yet reassuring, comforting, healing. As Tita Harriet says, “The only parent your Inner Child needs is you”. And that’s the only thing I need to live by.
Three days after RCW, I am still experiencing this healing crisis – wherein a person would experience something worse than he used to be, even if he is presently under medication and treatment. I feel so weak. My body aches, my mind wanders, my feeling plummets.
Nevertheless, I keep moving forward. I’ve still come to the office since Monday, do my tasks, be as perky as I used to be, and have my healing crisis manageable as possible. How couldn’t be? I have the entire team to back me up, to check my progress, and to remind me to do my self-care. And let me tell you, there are numerous self-care techniques. Hahaha!
Nevertheless, I keep moving forward. I’ve still come to the office since Monday, do my tasks, be as perky as I used to be, and have my healing crisis manageable as possible. How couldn’t be? I have the entire team to back me up, to check my progress, and to remind me to do my self-care. And let me tell you, there are numerous self-care techniques. Hahaha!
And I’m so thankful that I took RCW 1 this year, after five years of knowing about this program. My adult self is intellectually grown up, perfectly fit to be the best and only parent of my inner self – the child within. I handle my life issues more maturely and peacefully. And my maturity complements the birthing of a new version of me – my adult, chronologically age-based self, rooted on my emotionally healthy, loved, and pampered inner child. It’s like my adult self is a hollow block with my inner child as a solid steel my adult self clings on to, surrounds itself with as a foundation, core, center – not anymore on the outside, whether as another person, material thing, title, or situation I used to hold on to as my identity, rock, and savior. And taking the course in December makes it more special. I am reborn during the Holiday Season! So my inner child has a lot of activities to partake and celebrate this month. And we know that Christmas is for the kids and kids-at-heart. Furthermore, surprisingly, my RCW 1 course was batch 426. And 426, for me, is April 26, my birthday.
Last Sunday, in my room, as I was dressing up for the last day of RCW 1 careshop, the Air Supply song, “In the Eyes of a Child’, was playing on the airwaves. I stopped for a while and listened very carefully to the lyrics. Lo and behold, the song sums up my RCW journey and hopefully, with the song as my immediate guide, I would continue nurturing and reparenting the kid in me – the way I want it to be, in the context of proper self-care and responsive maturity. My favorite stanza:
“In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter
There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future
For the lessons of life there is no better teacher
Than the look in the eyes of a child.”
- Edison Brian Casillano
RCW 1
Batch 426
